Jane Paudaux's Parody on Senator Udall's Health Care Letter

The layout of the previous posting isn't fitting well into everyone's screen (thank you for the phone calls). I've reposted just the parody part of the Udall letter here upon request. In the previous posting it is below the Udall letter.

Jane's Parody of Senator Udall's Post

Dear Jane,

Thank you for contacting me with your concerns regarding health care reform. I have tried diligently to avoid reading the views of the have-nots but obviously did not succeed where your letter is concerned. It has taken me a number of days to get back to you as I have been meeting with insurance and health executives contemplating any potential increases to my political war chest. Although I certainly want you to know how much I appreciate your taking the time from your humble existence to express your specific views on the reformation of the insurance companies and the elitist health care industry which faces our nation today--regardless if I am going to pay any attention to your lower class plea for equality.

As you know, many proposals have been put on the table by our friends, the insurance executives, for promoting the least amount of change to our health care system in order to make it work out most profitably for the elite interests in this country. I recognize there are many, slight variations, on philosophies and ideas for the best way to ensure that the insurance companies will remain in absolute power while killing any nonsense about having to respect the lower classes in this country as other civilized and industrialized nations do across the world. As your Senator, it is my job to pay lip service to listening closely to the various stakeholders involved in this process while seeking out active means to promote my own future well-being and the self-interests of other, wealthier, citizens than yourself. This process has helped significantly affirm my own elitist bias on what is best for wealthy Coloradoans and our friends the insurance and health executives of America. One thing I firmly believe, however, is that the status-quo must be cloaked with some minor changes, like nonprofit cooperatives for the masses, because, well, there was the French Revolution a long time ago, and the natives are getting more savvy and restless. This pathway to equality for masses is simply unacceptable and unsustainable for the elite in America today.

While we move forward in this nondebate, looking for the best way to ensure, my reelection, by the wealthiest and the most powerful in America, there are a number of key requirements which will guide my consideration. Any health reform must: 1) allow the elite and wealthy not to suffer at the expense of those of lesser means; 2) bring costs down so we can tell all the sheep out in La-La-Lollipop land the Senate has succeeded in finally creating a government-sanctioned second class citizenship for the masses--the first time since 1776; and 3) push the notion that well-meaning insurance executives in-lieu of health professionals should remain in the position of deciding which people get care, what level of care they get, and just how much profit they will make off of each patient, doctor, and care facility; 4) call for insurers to provide coverage regardless of pre-existing conditions or medical history as long as the patient or business has enough money to pay the skyrocketing premium--allowing the truly needy to continue expressing their democratic right to die under the nation's bridges; and 5) be prepared to sacrifice the lower classes to the God of Misleading-Fiscal-Projections so my buddies in the Senate can cover their arses when we are caught in bed with the insurance and health executives on the morning after.

I will continue to pretend to listen closely to what you and other Coloradans have to say about matters before Congress, the concerns of our communities, and the issues facing Colorado and the nation. My job is not about merely supporting legislation in the interest of those willing to donate to my election; it is also about ensuring the end to the divide that is threatening to paralyze the accumulation of wealth by the most powerful in our nation's politic. For more information about my positions and to learn how my office can refuse assist you, please visit my website at www.markudall.senate.gov.


Warm Spit,